The holiday season is often depicted as a joyful time filled with close family and friends, beautifully wrapped gifts, plentiful feasts, and children laughing as they play in the snow. What’s less visible beneath all the color and celebration is the quiet shadow of grief that many of us carry year-round. Like a shadow, grief isn’t always in the foreground, but it can become larger and more overwhelming in the brightness of twinkling lights and the expectation that this season should bring only joy. But emotions don’t consult the calendar. They don’t pause for holidays or wait until January to return. In fact, grief often becomes more present, not less, during seasons filled with reminders of what has changed.
The truth is that the holidays tend to magnify whatever we are already holding. For many, that means carrying both grief and joy at the same time, sometimes in ways that feel confusing or even contradictory. You may smile at a familiar tradition one moment and feel a pang of loss the next. This mix of emotions doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong. It means you are human.
Grief doesn’t always look the way we expect. It can be sharp and recent, tied to a loss that still feels raw. Or it can be an older, quieter grief that resurfaces when the world grows louder with celebration. It may show up as missing someone who is no longer here, feeling the absence of traditions that once held connection, or navigating the subtle yet significant shifts that come from changing family dynamics, health challenges, difficult relationships, or new roles within a family system. Even positive life transitions can bring their own sense of loss. New chapters often require letting go of something familiar.
Joy can also feel complicated when you are grieving. Some people worry that moments of joy mean they are “moving on” too quickly or diminishing the significance of their loss. Others feel the weight of others’ expectations. If I seem too sad, will I be told to cheer up? If I seem too happy, will someone question whether I cared enough? But joy doesn’t erase grief, and grief doesn’t cancel out joy. They often coexist in ways that are hard to make sense of. We are not one-dimensional. We can feel a warm spot of sunshine in the midst of a dark season. That doesn’t mean the darkness has lifted, nor does it mean the sunshine will last. It is simply the normal, human experience of holding both.
Practices for Navigating the Season
You don’t have to choose between grief and joy this holiday season. Both can have space. Here are a few supportive practices:
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Give yourself permission to feel what you feel: There is no “correct” emotional response to the holidays.
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Adjust expectations: You can simplify plans, set boundaries, or alter traditions to match your current reality.
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Create a moment of remembrance: Light a candle, prepare a loved one’s favorite dish, or pause to acknowledge who or what you miss.
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Notice moments of steadiness: They are often small, quiet mornings, a warm drink, a meaningful conversation. They matter.
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Seek connection where it feels safe: Whether with friends, family, a support group, or a mental health professional, you deserve spaces where your full experience is welcome.
If this holiday season feels like a blend of emotions, some comforting, some heavy, you are not alone. You don’t have to pretend. You don’t have to choose between grief and joy. You are allowed to move through the holidays in a way that aligns with your inner experience, not the expectations around you. There is room for grief. There is room for joy. And there is room for you, exactly as you are.