When something violent happens in the news, many adults feel the urge to protect children from the details. We want to keep them from feeling scared or confused. But children often hear more than we realize through conversations, social media, friends at school, or simply by noticing the tension in the adults around them.
In a recent CBS2 interview, Joella Gerber LISW, RPT-S, Tanager Clinical Services Director shared guidance for families navigating these hard moments and offered a simple starting point: https://cbs2iowa.com/news/local/experts-share-strategies-for-discussing-violence-with-kids-listen-first-be-honest
Children do not usually need long explanations. What they need most is to feel heard and to know they are safe with the adults in their lives.
Why Listening Matters
When adults move quickly into reassurance or explanation, we sometimes miss what a child is really asking. A child’s question about violence is often connected to feelings underneath it:
Am I safe?
Are you okay?
Why does this feel scary?
What does this mean to my world?
Listening gives us a chance to respond to those feelings, not just the question itself.
What You Might Notice in Children
After hearing about violent events, children may show changes in behavior such as:
Wanting to stay closer to adults
Irritability or emotional outbursts
Trouble sleeping
Asking the same questions repeatedly
Becoming unusually quiet or withdrawn
Difficulty focusing at school
These reactions are signs that a child’s nervous system is trying to make sense of something unsettling.
Ways to Respond in the Moment
You do not need perfect words. You need presence.
You might say:
I’m really glad you told me what you’re thinking about.
That sounds scary to think about.
You’re safe right now, and I’m here with you.
Do you want to tell me more about what you heard?
Honestly is important, but it can be simple, calm, and age appropriate.
Connection Before Explanation
Before children can process information, they need to feel settled in their bodies. Sitting together, speaking gently, or offering comfort can do more than a detailed explanation. Connection is what helps children feel safe again.
A Note for Caregivers
Adults carry their own reactions while trying to support children. Paying attention to your own stress, fear, or overwhelm is part of caring for your family. Talking with other adults or professionals can help you process what you are holding so you can show up more calmly for kids.
A Gentle Reminder
You do not need to have all the answers. Children are not looking for perfect responses. They are looking for someone who will listen, stay close, and help them feel safe in a moment that feels confusing.
Listening first, being honest, and staying connected are often more than enough.